You can't special order awesome
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
