The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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