Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He better not be in your backpack
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
