i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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