it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
