we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
