Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
