You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
