look no pants
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
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