I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Is Oprah even human
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
