i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
