Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
