You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
