The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
You may now shotgun with the bride
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
