how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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