can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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