I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize