Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
