so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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