i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
