WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
