is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
