My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
