the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
