You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Less talking, more tequila
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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