Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
