went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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