I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
