I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
she peed on how many people?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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