I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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