never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
