omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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