all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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