just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
