He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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