Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
