ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
