I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
So much rum. So many feels.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
