How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize