i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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