My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
