I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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