I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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