Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
