i jhust puked up my retainher.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
