he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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