Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
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