id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
