can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
