I'm eating all of the evidence.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
