I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
