I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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