I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
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