Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Randomize
