we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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