8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
There r osticjed everywhere
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
