Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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