What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The chlamydia really affected his face.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
