smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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