somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
