As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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