I will die if light touches me.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
