i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
