how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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