Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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