So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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