i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
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I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
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Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
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