i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
