I puked a lego.
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
