3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize