Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
