It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
