If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
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