when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize