yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
