a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
