Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
