please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
