I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
