saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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