Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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