Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
